From the dizzying heights of the first infatuation to the cozy familiarity of everyday life, each phase of a relationship can shift or bring up new emotions. The question “Do I still love him?” may come at a point where the glow of the beginning has faded and routine is slowly setting in. Perhaps you're also asking yourself:
- Do I love him?
- What are the signs you're not really in love?
- How to know if you love someone?
- Am I falling out of love?
Don't let these questions overwhelm you, you're not alone! In fact, it's not uncommon to ask yourself these questions during the course of a relationship, and there's often a reason behind it. Fortunately, there are some signs that can provide clarity about your question of “Do I still love him?”.
Do I still love him? – Possible causes for your feelings
An important step in answering the question “Do I still love him?” is to consider the reasons behind it. The question of whether you still love him or if it has become a habit, usually doesn't arise out of nowhere. But just because you're questioning the relationship doesn't necessarily mean it's the end.
Try taking a few steps back and reflect on the past weeks and months of your life and your partnership. When the question “Do I still love him?” comes up, it is a sign that something has changed. Possible changes might lie in:
- Your relationship
- Yourself or your partner
- In your close surroundings
- In your life plans
- In your evaluation of the relationship
Sometimes it's not even about significant events but rather small details or internal processes that have changed or crept in. If you're unsure, discussing with friends can help, as they can see things from an external and often more neutral perspective.
7 Signs you are in love
To help answer your question “Do I still love him?”, we’ll list seven signs that indicate that you’re still very much into your partner and your relationship. But be aware: These signs are only rough guidelines and of course every relationship works differently. It's normal for one or more aspects of a relationship to face challenges. A healthy, functioning relationship requires continuous effort.. but more on that later.
Your communication flows
How's your communication level? Can you share everything with each other? Are you still having engaging conversations on various topics, or are you merely talking about superficial matters? Overall, the quality of communication is a good barometer for the state of your bond and connection.
Conversations should take place on everyday, emotional, and deeper levels. Has your communication faded, is it restricted to superficialities, or is there little willingness for conversations? This can greatly impact your feeling connected and your mutual understanding and might explain why feelings are diminishing.
If you want to improve your communication, take a look at our article on nonviolent communication
Your arguments matter to you
Many couples believe that conflict is bad in relationships – and yes, conflicts can be very draining and burdensome. However, it's actually a positive sign if you're having regular arguments. This is because 1. it's a part of a healthy relationship and 2. it means that you and your partner care about each other. Having arguments is actually one of the signs you are in love.
You should be more worried, if feelings of indifference set in, taking the place of any strong emotions. Of course, not every argument is good. Keep an eye out for factors like: What's the level of distress, how intense are the arguments, how much are you hurting each other, and what are you actually arguing about?
You miss him
If you often think about your partner and long for him when he’s gone, it definitely indicates that his presence is important to you. Longing for your partner's presence can suggest that being with him provides you with a sense of connection, comfort, or support. It can be a sign that he meets your emotional needs in a way that brings you closer to answering the question “Do I still love him?”.
At the same time, in a partnership, it shouldn’t just be about finding anyone that can generally fulfill your needs. It should be about the specific person you’re with. So ask yourself: Do you miss him as a person or merely the feeling he gives you? The next sign might help answer this question…
You're interested in his life
Being interested in your partner’s life means being curious about his feelings and experiences. It's the desire to learn more about his thoughts, hopes, and dreams. If you're still interested in the small details of his life – whether it's how his day was or what series he's currently into – it indicates that his presence in your life has significant value.
To answer your “Do I still love him?” question, this sign of interest in him as a person is essential.
His opinion matters to you
Suppose you're making an important decision or you've made a mistake. How much does your partner's opinion mean to you? Do you seek his advice? Ask yourself whether his opinion about you and especially your behavior is important to you when you're trying to answer the “Do I still love him?” question. If his opinion matters to you, it shows that you value his opinion, which indicates a certain level of attachment.
Of course, this doesn't mean you should be pretending that his opinion matters or that it’s more important than your own. It's more about assessing whether you appreciate his thoughts and seek acceptance from him. If not, it could potentially be a sign you are not in love anymore.
You enjoy intimacy between the two of you
To answer the “Do I still love him?” question, it's useful to take a look at your physical attraction and moments of intimacy. Do you still feel drawn to your partner, seek and enjoy his closeness? Does he feel similar towards you? If not, it could be a sign of missing feelings. Physical attraction and an active sex life are important aspects of romantic relationships for most couples and can be helpful indicators to answer your question.
However, do keep in mind: Emotional distance often reflects on the physical level. So these aspects can influence each other and it may be hard to understand which one came first.
Thinking about separation does not feel good
Set aside the question “Do I still love him?” for a moment. How do you fundamentally feel towards your relationship? How does the thought of separation feel? Imagine what it would be like to be without him – can you envision a fulfilled life without him, or is he an indispensable part of it? Let your gutt speak.
The connection to a partner is often shaped not only by current feelings but also by shared experiences, highs and lows. It can be useful to reflect on how your relationship has been in the past and how much your shared time means to you. If you notice that you actually want to stay with your partner, that's a positive sign for your relationship…
Working on the relationship…
When the question “Do I still love him?” arises, we advise you to pause for a moment. Take time to understand what's behind these thoughts and how dissatisfied you are with your relationship. Are external circumstances or your partner's behavior causing these thoughts? Or, are there even deeper concerns you haven't fully grasped yet?
Sometimes, the answer doesn't solely lie in the question “Do I still love him?”, but rather in whether you're willing to work on the relationship. Love is a constant process of growth and learning. It requires patience, understanding and willingness to compromise to overcome difficulties and grow together. We at Lovelane hope you find the right path for yourself and wish you all the best in your love life!