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Getting back together after a breakup: The most important tips for starting a new!

Did you have an affair, or did a long-distance relationship become too much for you? There are numerous reasons why a relationship can fail.

If you want to give it another try to after a breakup, both parties need to make an effort. We have put together some of our most important advice on how to fully win back your ex-partner!


    The feelings were right, yet there was still a breakup

    There is something missing in your life. Something that has been displaced by deep pain. He/she was the dream man/woman, and you want to revive the relationship with your ex after the breakup. How could you and your partner be so similar and still end up breaking up?


    You come home and find no one there to listen to your stories. The temptation to pick up the phone and call him/her immediately - or respond to their messages - is great. Breaking up is a big step, and the first few weeks and months without company are especially difficult.

    The misery and inner emptiness disappear after the end of a relationship. The sorrow fades, and you may learn to accept your new loneliness.

    For many people newly separated, it's difficult to let go of the past because the feelings are still very real and painful. The old love relationship is still very present in your mind. The memories are rarely pleasant or healing, even if you're surrounded by friends you 

    trust. Even your closest friends may not be able to support you during this time.

    After months of separation, everything could be different if you reconcile with your partner. You have recognized and solved the problems of the past. It's important to find out why the relationship failed so that future new beginnings can be built on a solid foundation.

    Most relationships fail because of these reasons:

    Starting anew with your ex is rarely successful if you can't solve your old problems. It's important to look for the reasons why the relationship failed, so that you don't make the same mistakes in a new relationship:

    • Did your future plans differ?
    • Was jealousy an issue?
    • Did you live past each other?
    • Did you constantly argue?
    • Was there infidelity?

    It's also a good idea to start with yourself if you want to get back together with your ex-partner after a breakup. A new beginning can succeed if both parties are equally committed to each other. You should both be prepared for this because a relationship takes "work."

    The lack of closeness and trust led to the end of the relationship:

    When couples' needs for closeness and trust are not met, they fail. You will eventually give up when your attempts to build a relationship are rejected.

    Women are more likely to try to solve the problem, while men accept rejection and break off communication after a few failed attempts, and in the worst case, they separate.

    When patience runs out, the couple must break up. Men rebel too late, which is why it is seen over and over again. When men finally bring up a problem, the decision has often already been made - the relationship is over.

    Criticism: A common reason for a breakup:

    Criticism is another reason for breakups and the cause of failed relationships.

    When someone is frequently criticized, they feel increasingly controlled over time. The critic's reaction can further infect them with demeaning comments.

    It is better to give encouraging feedback. Instead of saying "you are lazy," you can say "let's work on this together!"

    Couples who are happy and in a long-term partnership do not treat each other with contempt, but show respect for each other. They welcome their partner's offers to talk and engage with them.

    You can improve your ability to recognize and respond to your partner's offers. The prerequisite, of course, is that you notice the misunderstanding and have a genuine desire to stand up for your partner. But then you can continue to develop together - and even love each other again.

    After a breakup, getting back together with your ex-partner: the most important tips!

    Tip 1: Persevere

    Don't give up hope, even if it takes longer for you and your partner to reunite. It is a time-consuming process that is influenced by a variety of factors.

    Tip 2: Know who you are

    Also, remember that during the time of starting anew, you must not forget who you are. Listen to your feelings and only do what makes you feel comfortable.

    Tip 3: Communicate openly

    Talk to your partner. No relationship can succeed without communication. Speak up about your feelings so that trust can naturally return.

    Tip 4: Truly start anew

    Forgive the other person. When a relationship ends and there is a breakup, it is inevitable that both parties are responsible.

    So, don't blame your partner for taking responsibility for the past. This way, you can also build and strengthen trust between you and your partner.

    Tip 5: Relax

    Don't worry too much that your fresh start might not work out. After all, it has already worked for many other couples before you.

    Perhaps a break was necessary to save your relationship and let love between you bloom again. Perhaps you have realized how much you miss your partner and how beautiful your life is with them.

    Starting anew brings its own problems. Even getting back with your ex is difficult. The conflicts and fears after a breakup are still present in your mind, and you are not sure if the fresh start will succeed.

    If you truly want your partner back, the "new old" relationship has a lot of work ahead of it. But if you both have genuine goals, nothing stands in the way of a happy future if you make a fresh start after a breakup.

    It is always worth giving things a new chance, whether the old love is rusty or not.

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    Meet the Author

    Heike Kraft

    Far too often, couples separate not because they are fundamentally incompatible, but because they lack the right "tools" to resolve their conflicts. As the founder of LoveLane, I want to help couples love more consciously and value themselves more. In recent years, I have built various digital products for companies, including a self-coaching app. Through my training as an integral coach and from personal experience, interpersonal relationships have become even more central to me. I am thrilled to be able to bring together these two areas of expertise at LoveLane.