Fear of loss can hit us at any time, whether we are newly in love or have been together for years. Where does this feeling of fear of losing the other person come from? How can you recognize if you are affected by it, and if so, how can you overcome your fear of loss?
Where does fear of loss come from?
It is possible that we may lose our partner, either through divorce or other causes. Most of the time, we try not to think about it, and we usually succeed. This calming practice helps keep feelings like worry and anxiety from constantly occupying your mind and life. But how can it be that they exist, and that we experience fear of loss? There can be a variety of reasons for this:
Loss of loved ones
You had to cope with the death of a loved one in your childhood (mother, father, grandmother, etc.).
Fear of loss due to divorce
Your parents got divorced when you were young, and you had to lead a turbulent life.
Fear of loss due to illness
Perhaps you witnessed someone important to you becoming seriously ill. Fear of loss can also be caused by mental illnesses such as depression.
Fear of loss due to betrayal
When you needed your friends the most, they betrayed your trust or your partner cheated on you with someone else.
You are looking for a safe environment where you can grow because you were bullied in school in the past. Which of these statements can you identify with? Can you think of any other reasons for the fear of loss?
he most common symptoms of fear of loss
The symptoms of fear of loss vary from person to person. However, there is always a certain behavior that is associated with the symptoms of fear of loss. We will show you some of the most typical signs that are associated with the fear of losing things and how you can overcome them:
When someone becomes jealous in the early stages of getting to know each other, for example, if you as a woman are still seeing other men, it is an indication of the other person's fear of loss. Jealousy is also common in relationships, especially when the partner quickly becomes jealous when you meet friends or colleagues with whom you have a good relationship.
Compulsion to control and mistrust
Those affected constantly wonder what their partner is doing and where they are. Phone calls often become a kind of cross-examination, and a meeting with friends or a night-time party visit can quickly be interrupted by a dispute or even the sudden appearance of the affected person. Many affected individuals also search their partner's phone or laptop.
Search for confirmation
People who suffer from fear of loss need constant confirmation in their relationship and their partner's love. This can manifest itself in questions like "Do you still find me attractive?" or even inquiries like "Do you still love me?" if the partner does not communicate this often enough. Many people who suffer from fear of loss react negatively or aggressively to a perceived lack of attention.
With people who suffer from fear of loss, there is a risk that they will become emotionally entangled and clingy right from the first encounter, for example, on a date. Even here, one only follows the other, and personal freedoms are quickly abandoned. This is also true in relationships: it is a common scenario for people to perceive their partner as the source of true happiness, which leads them to prioritize their relationship over their own interests.
Is it bad to have a fear of loss?
Everyone experiences fear of loss at some point in their lives. This does not mean that you are incapable of entering into a relationship, nor does it mean that your relationship is destined to fail. On the contrary, the fear of losing something can be a motivator to grow personally and improve our relationship, ultimately bringing us more joy. But how can we achieve this?
How to overcome your fear of loss
The following tips will help you overcome your fears and learn from them.
Recognize your own behavioral patterns
You have always had the attitude that others are to blame for your inability to connect with people. Self-awareness is the first step in the right direction. It is a good idea to try to reflect on yourself and recognize where your actions may cause discomfort. You can only solve your own problems if you acknowledge them first.
Search for the cause
It is also important to figure out what the cause of your current fear of loss is. Do you believe that your parents' divorce when you were a child could have an impact on you? Analyze exactly what happened. Make a distinction between the past and the present. Recognize that the losses in your childhood or even the infidelity of a previous partner have nothing to do with your current partner.
Articulate your fears and overcome your fear of loss
For a person who is afraid to articulate their fears, this can be very helpful. A journal, for example, could be useful for this purpose, as you can write down all your worries, fears, and negative emotions in it. Writing down your feelings and ideas can help you understand yourself better and make it easier to work on yourself. Give it a try!
People who suffer from fear of loss often have low self-esteem and self-confidence. Therefore, it is important to appreciate oneself. Negative thinking processes can also be prevented by being mindful and trying to steer your thoughts away from such states. In this case, psychotherapy could be helpful, but also talking to friends or doing something good for oneself can be the beginning of a change.
Dealing with your partner's fear of loss
Support and encourage your partner
If your partner experiences fear of loss, it's important to show compassion and encourage them to address their difficulties, rather than criticizing them. This means acknowledging your partner's needs while not losing sight of your own.
Create space for yourself
Even though you want to support your partner as much as possible, it's important not to forget your own needs and create space for yourself.
Communication is the key to a successful relationship with a partner who has a fear of losing you. This includes discussing and solving your partner's problems and concerns. It also means being honest when you want to do something alone and setting boundaries. Make it clear to your partner that they can trust you and that an evening with friends is not synonymous with cheating.
It all starts with yourself. Look for the causes of your fear and start consciously directing your thoughts in a positive direction. Always try to communicate openly with your partner and also try to be understanding towards them. There are many ways you can support yourself or others in coping with the fear of loss. It's important that you don't give up and continue to work on yourself. It's possible!