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Does an Open Relationship Make Sense?

A polyamorous relationship has many benefits. However, with the promise of freedom also comes a plethora of rules that can quickly become a major obstacle in a relationship.

When it comes to open relationships, there are certain expectations that come with this lifestyle.

We will tell you what an open relationship is and when it is appropriate. Additionally, we will give you some tips on how to avoid unpleasant experiences in an open relationship.


Open Relationship: What does it mean?

In this type of relationship model, both partners agree to have additional (sexual) relationships outside of their partnership. With polyamory, it's not just about sexual interests, but also about having a lover from another woman or man.

How sensible is an open relationship?

Although a considerable number of people in love strive for exclusivity and monogamy and categorically reject falling in love outside of the relationship, the relationship model of an open relationship is still popular in long-term partnerships.

Many people opt for this type of relationship when the partners do not want to separate for family reasons, but no longer have sexual interest in each other. However, an open relationship is particularly useful when neither partner wants to accept secret infidelity or unfaithfulness.

Are you ready for an open relationship?

You must first determine whether an open relationship is right for you. Then it must be clarified whether you want to enter into this type of relationship of your own accord or whether your partner is forcing you to do so - directly or subconsciously. To determine if you are ready for an open relationship, you should consider the following six factors:

1. Unconditional trust

Trust is the ultimate goal in a relationship. If you feel that the foundation of your relationship is rock-solid and can withstand the strain of openness, this plan can work.

2. Love and sex can be separated

For many people, Tinder is the first place they look for an open relationship. Here, "like-minded" people who are only interested in sexual needs meet. To start an open relationship, you must be able to clearly distinguish between love and sex. 

If you know exactly what you want from a partner and a Tinder date does not pose a risk to your relationship, you have already met the minimum requirement.

3. Your partner has the highest priority for you

It is also important that you make your partner feel like they come first. If you just jump from one adventure to the next and neglect your partner, the relationship may soon come to an end.

4. You are not jealous

An open relationship is a delicate situation that must be handled with care. Of course, it is not difficult to fall in love with someone else in an open relationship. However, if seeing your partner kissing another person makes you jealous, this arrangement should be avoided.

5. You are in the mood for other sexual partners

You should also have a desire to sexually experiment with other partners - not only because your partner suggests it or makes it an option.

6.You stick to your agreements

Relationships that are open by definition need clear guidelines. It is important to determine how the connection should run, where it is going, and when and how often you meet other people. What needs to be considered (e.g. an open relationship with children) and what is absolutely forbidden (e.g. sexual contact with your circle of friends).

Your partner wants an open relationship? These could be the reasons!

If your partner has suddenly decided to open the relationship, you need to find out why they want an open relationship.

Perhaps your partner has been unhappy in their relationship for a long time. An open relationship, on the other hand, must be based on a solid foundation of trust and should not only serve to maintain the partnership.

If your partner is no longer sexually interested in you but still afraid of losing you, that could be a factor. Maybe your partner has hidden sexual tendencies that they cannot talk to you about, or they are afraid to talk about them.

In any case, you should be honest about your intentions. An open relationship should not be used to hide fundamental problems.

Open relationship: What are the arguments against it?

Before entering into an open relationship, you should ask yourself a question: Is it really an enrichment for both of you or just a life raft?

We would like to remind you again of when this type of relationship approach is suitable for you and when you should leave it:


  • You have a happy relationship and see sexual contact as a positive experience.
  • You have complete trust in each other and keep your promises.
  • You always put your partner first.
  • Love and sex can be separated.


      • You are trying to maintain a relationship that you are unhappy with.
      • You suffer from jealousy.
      • One of you wants an open relationship, the other does not.
      • It is only a stopgap or an alternative to a relationship that no longer works.


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          Meet the Author

          Heike Kraft

          All too often, couples break up not because they don't fit each other in general, but because they don't have the right "tools" to solve their conflicts. As the founder of LoveLane, I want to help couples love more consciously and value themselves more. In recent years, I have built various digital products for companies, including a self-coaching app. Through my training as an integral coach and from personal experiences, interpersonal relationships have become even more central to me. I'm excited to be able to bring these two areas of expertise together at LoveLane.