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Marriage without love: Does a relationship based on reason have a chance?

Have you ever wondered if a marriage without love can work? Erotic attraction and passion, hormones and butterflies in the stomach usually mark the beginning of a relationship. But what if these feelings are not there? Can your romance succeed without them?

What happens when the intense feelings are absent? Is a rational relationship or marriage an alternative?


A relationship without love: End it or continue?

Finding love is something that happens naturally. People cannot force or plan it. But how exactly does a relationship without feelings of love come about? 

Broadly speaking, there are two possibilities: either your infatuation has cooled over time, or you have consciously chosen to build the relationship as a friendship instead.

If you want to know if it can work or not, ask yourself, why not? Many people think that there is only romantic love, but there are other forms as well.

Take a look at your relationship and love

Consistency is what makes us happy in relationships. Sure, a sizzling relationship may be more exciting and intense, but it is also nerve-wracking because the crash from cloud nine to everyday life is much bigger when the high is over.

If you want to be happy in love, you should listen to reason more often. You can find this common sense in numerous dating websites now, which filter matches based on rational criteria like education level, interests, and age.

Maintaining a relationship without love - why not?

A relationship can begin with infatuation and then slowly develop into a friendship. However, it can also be a conscious decision that the foundation of your relationship is based solely on mutual respect and understanding for each other and not on love at first sight or intense infatuation.

In fact, many people often forget that there are different types of love. There is romantic and friendly affection - and who is to say that friendly affection in relationships is not enough?

Ultimately, it is important that both partners feel comfortable in the relationship. If all parties feel like they are being forced into something, it will not work in the long run.

Continuing a relationship without feelings?

A relationship without love is possible, but there are certain conditions that must be met for it to work.

  • If you and your partner have the same interests, if you have similar goals and can laugh together, that is an additional bonus.
  • If you are satisfied with your partner and have shared plans for the future, those are the prerequisites for a relationship without love to work.

If you notice any of the following signs, it is time to end a relationship or even consider a separation:

  • You cannot imagine your life in the future with your husband/wife.
  • You do not feel appreciated and well-treated.

Sometimes you should listen to your gut feeling: if you have a bad feeling, you should separate.

Be open to new and unfamiliar things. A friendly relationship can make you just as happy as a romantic love relationship. Here, too, fundamentals such as trust, appreciation, and respect are important. If these are present, it might be worth saving the marriage or relationship and fighting for it.

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Meet the Author

Heike Kraft

Far too often, couples break up, not because they're not a match... but because they don't have the right "tools" to resolve their conflicts. As the founder of LoveLane, I want to help couples love more consciously and appreciate each other more. In the last few years, I have built many different digital products, including a self-coaching app. Through my training as an integral coach and from personal experiences, interpersonal relationships have become even more important to me. I'm really excited to be able to bring these two areas together at LoveLane and help couples love more.