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My husband doesn't love me anymore - What you can do about it?

Do you feel like your husband doesn't love you anymore? Depending on what he defines as "love," that may very well be the case. Many men say that their relationship has lost its spark and that they still love their husband/wife but it's just not the same as being "in love."

The difference is that instead of being "in love," it's more of a deep caring for him/her and a joy in spending time with him/her. No one can feel alive in a relationship that has lost its fire and passion.

We have all been there before - what can we do to turn things around? Follow these simple tips!


Understanding Love

You probably feel alone and unloved. The most important thing you can do is to reconsider your understanding of love, which is not just a feeling but an action. Many people say that their relationships are bad, but they still "love" each other, even if it doesn't feel that way.

The problem is that you can't see into your husband's mind. And if you don't show him your affection in a tangible way, how will he know? So it's time for step one: work on showing him more love, as that will help feelings to develop again. That will make things easier for both of you! 

Feeling of Fairness

There's a sense of fairness that we all feel in different ways. Is it unfair that you do more household chores than your husband? Some people may find it unfair if they do more in the relationship than their partner, but other couples may have an arrangement where one does most or all of it and they don't mind at all. With so many complex factors to consider when it comes to love, it can be difficult for anyone.

Your relationship will never be happy if you constantly list who does what and try to figure out how it compares. No partner could ever meet all expectations 100%. This expectation may seem like it protects you from being hurt again, but instead, it ensures that no love is shared between partners.

If your husband feels that every time he tries to be nice to you, he gets a list of things he's done wrong, don't be surprised if he'd rather spend his time on his phone than with you. Even if you still have feelings for him, this can eventually lead to a separation despite the love.

Make more compliments to each other

Feeling valued, attractive, and validated are some of the main reasons why partners may have affairs or fall in love with someone else. Unfortunately, this sense of appreciation, which is so important to many people, often disappears in a long-term relationship.

Even if you want to be right, it is important for both parties to feel appreciated. If you criticize your partner more than you praise them, it will lead to resentment in your partner.

You should try to say something nice at least three times for every criticism. This will lead to an improvement in the relationship where the man has lost feelings for his partner.

Have patience

Your relationship didn't get to where it is today overnight, so don't expect everything to change in a few days. But if you want things to be different between you and your man, then now is the right time! Don't lose hope if nothing changes after a few weeks - sometimes people have ideas about what they want, but need some persuasion before making long-term changes.

Take care of your relationship with love and attention every day. Show each other that you care about each other's thoughts, needs, desires, and longings -

All these small moments add up over time to a life full of happy memories.

Don't take each other for granted

At the beginning of a relationship, your love is so strong that you would do anything to keep it that way. At that time, you are constantly trying to please your man as best as you can, but after some time has passed, both of you stop making an effort for the relationship.

You think that your man will be there for you - in good times and bad, but soon the arguments and lack of compromises become too much. These feelings get colder over time, until it becomes inevitable that things won't work if nothing changes.

Have more trust in your man

If your man constantly tries to control you, it can lead to the feeling of love in the relationship being completely lost.

Jealousy can be like poison for relationships. If a partner is constantly jealous and tries to control the other, the love, no matter how strong it was in the beginning, begins to fade due to stress, pressure, and everything that comes with such situations.

Have a conversation

A conversation between two parties allows each side some leeway. It provides many opportunities to discuss things calmly, openly, and rationally.

To ensure that your conversation goes smoothly, keep these points in mind:

Clarify your goals!

It is best to plan your conversation and have a goal in mind if you want it to be successful. Otherwise, you may not know what could lead to an argument or misunderstanding, which can only make things worse in the future.

Choose the appropriate setting

The clarifying conversation should not take place outside or in a corner. You both have had a tiring day and are tired, and you have no time.

What is a good time? What place would work best? What day of the week?

Take time for each other

Healthy relationships require a lot of effort. We need to take time for each other and be there for each other, but we also have careers and interests outside of the relationship. If you can't give the relationship enough attention, it might be best to set aside time to spend together and work through all the issues. Try something together for the first time. It will bring back memories of the time of your relationship and remind you why you fell in love with each other in the first place. Add variety to things with new activities, food, and places you can visit! Start by creating a list of things that both partners would like to do together. The more you see each other, the more likely it is that your relationship will improve!

Try couples therapy

If it doesn't work out, don't hesitate to seek help from outside. Whether it's couples therapy or individual counseling if one person has more issues than the other. Couples therapy is a great tool to save your relationship that has hit a rough patch. It helps both parties to talk about what's been going on in the relationship and find solutions so they can move forward together without their partnership being plagued by problems again! Even if you don't argue or have negative interactions with each other, it can be helpful for both parties to hear what they're doing well and what they could improve on. This will also help you work together as a unit instead of focusing on your individual problems.

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Meet the Author

Heike Kraft

Far too often, couples break up not because they are not compatible in general, but because they don't have the right "tools" to solve their conflicts. As the founder of LoveLane, I want to help couples love more consciously and value themselves more. In recent years, I have built various digital products for companies, including a self-coaching app. Through my training as an integral coach and personal experiences, interpersonal relationships have become even more central to me. I'm thrilled to be able to bring these two areas of expertise together at LoveLane.