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You want to freshen up your marriage? Here's how

When a relationship has been going on for years, the spark often fades away. Refreshing the relationship is particularly recommended in order to avoid a marital crisis or to be able to improve the marriage after a crisis.

But how can this be achieved? We'll show you some tips that can help you refresh your marriage!

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Remember why you got married!

The most important advice may sound frustrating. Nevertheless, it could mean everything. Perhaps your initial reason for marrying your partner has faded from your memory.

There must have been a reason for it. It doesn't matter what the reason was: Remember whether you originally married your partner out of love or a deeper connection.

Of course, it's possible that this reason has disappeared and no longer holds the same value it once did. However, this reason may still be deeply rooted in your heart and may still be the link to your partner, even if you're not consciously aware of it anymore. If this reason had truly been destroyed, you would have already ended the relationship and filed for divorce.

Since this is not the case, it should be a reason to examine the matter at its core. With it, you can restore your marriage or stimulate it again for new impulses.

Perhaps the passage of time in your marriage has given it a new meaning. The coming together of all that you have experienced and perhaps endured together, your shared children, your home, the beauty of it all, as well as the hope for something good on the horizon, creates a connection that gilds a marriage into a true partnership.

Pay attention to your tone when communicating with each other

In the course of a marriage or relationship, it's not uncommon for a harsh tone to develop. Perhaps you've changed your language to accommodate your children. Be mindful of how you address your spouse or react when addressed.

Whenever possible, strive to speak respectfully and show your gratitude and love. Be attentive. Take your partner's comments and statements seriously.

What do you expect from your partner?

What exactly do you expect from your partner and your relationship? Do you expect them to meet your demands? If your partner doesn't react the way you expect, are you disappointed? You might blame the person and withdraw into silence, quickly creating hostile feelings and arguments. So be careful with your expectations.

Don't expect to change or reform your partner to meet your needs in love. Your spouse should be accepted as they are. Your expectations and actions should then match perfectly. The partnership will then work well.

Refresh your marriage: Give compliments

Do you know how powerful good words of praise can be? Every word, no matter how small, can have an impact. Humans are wired to be receptive to compliments and often respond automatically without even realizing it. It doesn't matter what things you choose to compliment.

Whether it's the new power drill, your partner's driving, or their cooking skills. It's important to communicate your love. Don't keep it to yourself, but give it to your partner. It's important that you take the opportunity now to notice things in your partner's behavior that you would normally overlook but that offer a chance to react positively.

Grant your partner personal space

Many couples live together and are not aware that the other needs personal space. It's not a good idea to think that you can't live without each other all day long.

It's also beneficial to allow your spouse space and acknowledge that they need time for themselves and to pursue their own desires without feeling guilty. The pleasure and personal satisfaction that the partner gains in their own area will then transfer to your relationship and your love. This way, you both help and benefit from each other.

Refresh your marriage: Surprise your partner

If you want to make a good impression on your partner, show interest in their life by occasionally giving them small gifts. It could be a bouquet of flowers you just put on the table, or a meal you prepared that is one of their favorite dishes. Then your partner knows that you have thought about their needs, and they will be grateful for your efforts. You will hear the flutter of butterflies in your partner's stomach when the gift is presented.

The Power of Rituals

Many of the things we do every day create an expectation that we will repeat them the next day. Rituals create a sense of unity among couples and keep people together. They strengthen the connection between people.

The fact that both know that tomorrow's activity is Ritual X makes it easier to come together. The individual is pleased when you regularly sit together on long Thursday evenings in the pizzeria and discuss the past week. Going to the cinema together every second Tuesday of the month has a similar effect. Running a round in the forest with your partner on Sunday morning is also a beautiful ritual.

If your partner is loved and respected, they will reciprocate the affection

You should only expect as much as you are willing to give. If you give 50% as a gesture of gratitude, you will receive half of that amount back. If you only love your partner half-heartedly, you will only be loved half-heartedly. Emotions have a contagious effect, so believe in it!

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Meet the Author

Heike Kraft


Far too often, couples break up, not because they're not a match... but because they don't have the right "tools" to resolve their conflicts. As the founder of LoveLane, I want to help couples love more consciously and appreciate each other more. In the last few years, I have built many different digital products, including a self-coaching app. Through my training as an integral coach and from personal experiences, interpersonal relationships have become even more important to me. I'm really excited to be able to bring these two areas together at LoveLane and help couples love more.